| (no subject) |
[Aug. 18th, 2006|09:26 am] |
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Trying like I've never tried before. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 7th, 2006|08:43 pm] |
Hi. Been a while. Sorry about that. Life happens and sometimes you can't or don't want to talk about it. But I should. It can't hurt. At least not as much as not talking about it.
I'm back in Oregon for a bit. Although, I guess the truth is I should say I'm out in Oregon ("Back" should refer to Richmond now) :)/:(k
I do not feel too well and my throat is killing me. I power-washed our driveway today so my hands and back hurt, too. It has not been a great time home yet. I miss Corinne terribly so that doesn't help. Though I suppose missing her is good in that I miss her that much, if you know what I mean.
Things on my mind are still there and the intensity of them varies. Some things I think I have legitimate grounds to let worry/upset/bother me. That is, I'm me and so some things really affect me, even if they are not that big a deal to others. I can't post specifics because I am respecting people and emotions. Other things, however, I feel like I'm too special (that is, unique, not extraordinary) and I feel like I shouldn't let them bother me; that I overanalyze, overcritique, overthink. I feel bad about it. Then, I feel bad that I let that stuff bother me, especially the things that I can't change. I mean, there are things, events, truths, histories, and people that occured, happened, or did things that are hard for me to swallow. So it's a double dose of difficulty in that first I feel bad about stuff and second I feel bad about feeling bad about it. There are so many "real" problems in the world, and by real I mean more prominent, globally threatening or widespread, not significant or important. Because they are. But to me. Sometimes, I feel, me only.
Oh, g2g for a few. Finish in a lil! :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2006|11:42 pm] |
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Okay, wow, rereading that has sent me into a strange spin that doesn't feel good. Bedtime now.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2006|10:39 pm] |
It has been an interesting time. Work is good, it helps keep my mind occupied and focused on real, productive things. Kate asked me today if the things bothering me have cleared up and I said honestly 'yes and no.' Work is nice. Driving to work is like just leaving behind everything in Richmond (literally, the clinic is in Midlothian) and achieving tangible results in life. Tours on campus are fun but rather monotonous. It's fun to see if parents have the guts to ask about the alcohol policy and stuff like that but it's so temporary. Not my type of relationships..
"Don't say it will stay this way forever" from "Who am I?" by NFG is playing as I write. Interesting...Great, and now "Asthenia" just came on "This time where are you Houston, is somebody out there, will somebody listen...should I go back, should I go back should I? I feel alone and tired"
I'm talking to the lovely Jeanette right now, who sometimes seems to be the only person I can talk to on stuff. I can't believe how close we got and that I'd tell her certain things I thought I'd never tell anyone. God Bless you, Nettie, and **** those that mess with you. You're better than that. 'nough said. She just informed me that the portion of the post dedicated to her better be hott (why two t's???) so I hope this qualifies.
Now Lit's "My Own Worst Enemy" just came on. This was supposed to be a random playlist...
I really want to go home. I want my puppies, my clinic, my town. It's been so long. I just want to see grass that isn't all thick and sparce.
Now "The Ataris" are playing "So Long, Astoria"...
Now "The Fray" and "How To Save A Life" I'm typing slowing as thoughts come to me. I could do a whole thing on this song alone. Oh, the things this song means to me. Especially since Kate introduced me to The Fray. Thanks, friend! Working for Richond Magazine now, by the way.
Corinne's at the beach. Not cool. In fact, it's very hot there I guess. Whatever I did a tour today and it was 100 so...
How to save a life...
A plane crashed near my home. Pilot's dead, three homes destroyed. Could've crashed on my house. Our clinic. My friends. Scary. Dying can take a long time but death is instantaneous. Sometimes they both are. God Bless the pilot and his valient effort to save lives. Which he did.
"Raise your hand in mine, I'll leave when I wanna..."
I feel like running really fast and far. Reminds me of Forrest Gump, a great movie which always raises such strong and mixed emotions in me. I wish I didn't remember so easily the details of what's going on when big things happen to me. Worse is when little things happen that are big to me so no one knows how hurt I am except me and I don't want to say why. It's so strange how hard I study for exams and forget stuff, but remember like it just happened certain things in life. I remember the exact time some things were said (or done) and the details of the environment. The exact time on the clock, the exact speed of the car I was driving when something was said, the mile marker, the food on the counter, the arrangement of the pillows on a bed, the exact away message someone put up on a specific date, the exact thoughts I had. There are places I can't eat because of what the place means to me, movies I can't watch without getting down. I'm trying to get myself to associate some positive things with things too but somehow it's easier to forget exactly what you were doing when you got into UR or scored the winning goal. Whatever, that's life. I've always found that expecting the worst means it can't end up worse than you imagined.
Wow, this ended sad. Ooops. Maybe it's because Corinne's not here. Miss you...
Anyway, I'm really tired. Bedtime.
Cheers, friends! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 10th, 2006|08:41 pm] |
I've decided I'm not sure if I'm a liberal conservative or a conservative liberal, but neither is very fun.
Would it be more painful to dive into a swimming pool full of hot french fry grease or be lowered in slowly? Ah, the things I ponder. lol.
Both jobs are okay but now I'm incredibly tired all the time, even moreso than before. Oh well, at least I'm working.
Luego... |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 2nd, 2006|04:38 pm] |
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New Dashboard CD! It is an emo mood in the Nunez basement. |
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| Let Go |
[Jul. 2nd, 2006|08:13 am] |
It’s the little things you scarcely notice
That recollecting look in your eyes
It’s all I see and I sit and wonder
All the while it eats away at me inside
Like a shredded cast I just can’t throw away
Your words slash at my innocence
Throw me a nauseous spin
This intense nightmare I just can’t shake
Oh I feel like it’s coming for me
A useless surrender my only plea
The only love I’ve ever known
Coming forth to carry me home
Why does this tear me inside out
Believe me I want this torture to end
I want to smile move on let go
I don’t ever want to feel this again
These thoughts rage burning inside
Broken dreams and missing memories
What I wouldn’t give to live life again
That’s the difference between you and me
Oh I feel like it’s coming for me
A useless surrender my only plea
The only love I’ve ever known
Coming forth to carry me home
And I’ve
Been fighting this losing fight way too long
And I’ve
Been crying these tired tears way too long
And I’ve
Been fighting to find what went wrong
And I’ve
Been trying to lay it all out in this song
Oh I feel like it’s coming for me
A useless surrender my only plea
The only love I’ve ever known
Coming forth to carry me home
Oh I feel like it’s coming for me
A useless surrender my only plea
The only love I’ve ever known
Coming forth to carry me home
This song came about in a strange way. I started it somewhere in the skies over Arizona on my way home a few weeks ago. I finished it right as the pilot said we were reaching Oregon air space. Thanks, Nevada. It's about a few things, like wishing people would stop talking about how much they love things in their life that I never had. And, for me, how hard it is to talk about those things and feeling bad about that on top of it. I noticed it felt appropriate after I watched the slide show of my sister's life that my mom made for her graduation, too. That show made me really think about how much I love her and how I should have been there for her graduation. At the same time, I saw in pictures her life and I actually wish mine was more like it. ??? Don't ask why, it just is. Regret.
Mas Luego...
Cheers, as always :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2006|04:25 pm] |
I am so sick of being disrespected. I give up.
Exhale
Another wasted breath
Again it goes unnoticed |
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| We are the champions |
[Jun. 27th, 2006|10:05 am] |
OREGON STATE BEAVERS! NATIONAL CHAMPIONS! IN A STUNNING 3-2 VICTORY OVER THE RUGGED UNC TARHEELS THE FIGHTING BEAVERS OVERCAME ALL ODDS AND STUNNED THE BASEBALL WORLD WITH A MOST GRATIFYING WIN LAST NIGHT IN OMAHA! My favorite part is this excerpt from espn.com:
"In an effort to get a head start in the merchandise market, vendors
around Rosenblatt Stadium began putting out North Carolina 2006 National
Champions T-shirts after the Tar Heels took a 5-0 lead in the fourth
inning of Game 2. The Beavers made the premature profiteers look foolish,
roaring back with seven runs in their half of the fourth on their way to
an 11-7 win to force Monday's decisive third game."
HA! And Dewey won the Presidency.
Other than that, it's pretty grim here. The weather has been horrible. Pouring rain and storms are just pounding this coast but it's not as bad here and up north, I hear.
Yesterday I got a CD slide show of my sister's life, which my mom made and they played at her graduation party. I wish I was there. I should have been there.
Major meeting tonight for my internship so it's time to dust off the suit in the back of my closet and play grown up for a bit. Not like I don't act too grown up, anyway. Seriously, maturity should come with an on/off switch.
And it's important to give props to important people in my life, especially lately. Jeanette Harrington is easily one of the most special people I know. We had a really helpful conversation the other day (while Corinne was being constructive - literally) that I really, really needed. I feel I can tell her anything, and that is so nice. I think our relationship has the highest trust/acquaintance ratio ever. Considering how little I know her in terms of how long or how often I see her, I can talk to her like she was Stacy or Jenni or someone I grew up with. I'm glad Corinne introduced us. Thanks, shortkid.
Otherwise, I'm applying for a scholarship for persons with blood conditions and I'm hoping that since the name of the guy who sponsors the memorial is Eric, I will score some points on that front.
Cheers to Kath in England. Enjoy some tea for me.
P.S. Many new songs on the way, I just don't feel like posting/explaining them right now. |
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| Untitled |
[Jun. 23rd, 2006|03:29 pm] |
Throughout my life it’s been the same
I want to be close be more than a name
I want a close friend someone who’ll be there
But at the end of they day you just don’t care
I would place my palm over a flame for you
Let it curdle and boil and burn its way through
But you would never do the same for me
You won’t even waste a breath and blow it away
It’s the same song just a different verse
I open up to you but in the end I curse
And I yell at myself why did I do that
Why did you say that what did you expect
‘Cause the pain that comes with all of this
It digs deep inside suppressing all bliss
You gave me a flower I gave you a wreath
You mean so much why can’t I mean the same?
What did I ever do to deserve this?
What the hell went wrong with us?
Why am I the only one who gives a damn
Why do I let it out and you hold it in
You don’t understand what you put me through
I worked I wanted to be at one with you
So when I take the time to show you love
When I think you must have been sent from above
And I find that in the end you don’t care
Well it’s just too much for me bear
I’ll chuckle and smile when you go and say
‘I’d love to come visit but it’s so far away’
Why is it so funny that I say ‘when we’
And you laugh and say ‘you mean if we’
What’s so bad about saying it’s real
Do you know how that makes me feel
You can hide behind the distance and miles
You can laugh and beam me a smile
But in the end it’s the same old thing
I play it’s funny but it hurts me
Whatever that’s what I get I guess
For laying it out when I confess
That I think you’re worth the time
But in the end I guess it’s not worth it
Maybe it’s best to forget this and forfeit
Any hopes of ever being close to you
Forgive me but I can’t see this through
What did I ever do to deserve this?
What the hell went wrong with us?
Why am I the only one who gives a damn
Why do I let it out and you hold it in
You don’t understand what you put me through
I worked I wanted to be at one with you
So when I take the time to show you love
When I think you must have been sent from above
And I find that in the end you don’t care
Well it’s just too much for me bear
Not much to say except this song about getting screwed by someone in the sense that you put a whole lot of love and effort into a relationship and they take it all in without giving you much back. It's about being really pissed at the realization that you try harder than they do and you resent them for it. Then you resent yourself. It's a vicious cycle really. This song isnt written for any one person but is rather the culmination of experiences I've had from 5th or 6th grade up through now, on both coasts, guys and girls. Universal, really. It's actually dedicated to a friend here at UR with whom I've talked for many hours on this subject, though she is definitely not a reason I wrote it. :)
My insurance company is now saying I'm responsible for paying for my rental car which is total b.s. and I'm really pissed they're pulling this card. Worse for them, though, because they could not have chosen a worse time to mess with me. So...bring it on.
My knee hurts again after feeling good for a year. Lovely. I can't be mad at my knee, though. It's my fault for running around the lake 3 miles every night freshman year.
Congrats to Virginia and Ghana. Hoo-ray for W.C. soccer. I predict the United Arab Emirates (holla to my UAE teammates in Ciulla's class) will win it all. They haven't lost a game yet.
And with that, I'm going to go try and occupy my mind with things I associate with happy or benevolent. Depressing and painful is just not fun and they need to share the court.
P.S. Here's a good one of C
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 22nd, 2006|10:10 am] |
It's always good to start with something positive. Yesterday I had an awesome lunch with a vet and his wife and for two hours I forgot all about everything else there is to worry about in life and retreated to a world where I can speak comfortably and knowledgably about something real. Plus they are going to try and throw me some work which would be amazing. I'm a different person in vet hospitals. Suddenly I'm confident and excited to be there and I am good at what I do when I'm there. I also saw a King Charles while touring the clinic so that was fun.
Otherwise I hate being mature. It's fine in a professional clinic and I know (almost) everyone grows up but it sucks pretty bad to be the only one who finds stupid things stupid. I'll drink alcohol and have a good time but why does everyone automatically think getting drunk is so damn cool and every great thing in life or every bad thing in life deserves a drink. "Oh, I can't wait to get trashed tonight." It's really not that attractive. Now I'm not going to be a hypocrite because I drink to but I don't go crazy. When is the last time I've streaked, or lit a bed on fire, or call a hotel clerk for more alcohol. Yes, I've seen all those things. I don't know, but I really wish I could turn off my maturity and have fun sometimes. Everyone else is.
Why is the whole world obsessed with and so casual about sex which, quite frankly, should be an intimate and special thing in my view. Not every guy is a horny, quivering mass of testosterone aching to get with as many people as many times as possible. I think everyone should make their own decisions about sex and decide what is right for them, but I wish the world wouldn't ridicule those who aren't so promiscuous. Sometimes I wish someone who can say how many times they've respectfully declined sex would be acknowledged as commendable much as those who can say how many people they've slept with.
I don't feel like talking anymore on the subject here even though there is a lot more to be said.
In other news, I got a parking ticket for parking in the Jepson lot for four minutes. The ticket was issued at 2:14 and I got in my car and my clock said 2:15. The appeals process is in motion and I dare the police department to make an honest case against me.
Corinne did very well on her MCATs so that's good news. Now she just needs to choose a med school near here :)
My dad hired a fourth doctor at his clinic so that a big deal. 3 docs means high flow general practice but 4 means you can start to specialize. More changes are coming. I see them on the Frontier. (inside joke) It's always fun to go back to the clinic when I'm home and meet the new staff members that are almost always there. Sadly, Doggie Day Care is closing because we need the Loft for other stuff but it was a good run and I'm glad I was a part of it. I learned a lot and taught a lot and it was a great experience.
I really miss Mike. I'm looking at his pic and I could really use him here. He'd be the perfect apartment dog. Seriously. I've grown up with people talking about how their animal is the perfect whatever but I can tell you with professional clarity that Mike would be the perfect pet for this apartment. He'd have a great time and really reduce my stress.
Corinne said it's going to be 97 degrees today so the river is definitely on the agenda later because I am not staying inside all day.
Cheers |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 21st, 2006|10:50 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Lost | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Wake me up when September Ends, Green Day | ] |
Maturity sucks. Really. More tomorrow morning. |
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| Not Enough |
[Jun. 20th, 2006|11:11 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | Mars | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Matchbox 20 "Real World" | ] |
I’m pleading with the heavens
I’m asking so much
Am I asking too much
How can something so true
The love and trust
Collapse into bloody oblivion
Tortured words reach my ears
The yelling and the screams
Makes it hard to see
Lashing tongues to hide the hurt
And choking on hypocrisy
The cruelest words aren’t spoken
I’m standing in a clearing
I watch two beautiful suns setting
On opposite sides of the sky
I pray someday they’ll meet again
Join hands and forgive
I’m screaming in silence and trying so hard
To save the pieces before it all falls apart
The darkness descends on me
Leaves me hollow and alone
Tip toe around
Leave still the sleeping beast
When I flee my middle ground
Time to fix what’s broken
This life can be painful
I’ve seen it all before
Swallow you’re pride
Prove the world wrong
Dry the tears you’ve cried
Come together ‘cause I’m spread too thin
I’m standing in a clearing
I watch two beautiful suns setting
On opposite sides of the sky
I pray someday they’ll meet again
Join hands and forgive
I’m screaming in silence and trying so hard
To save the pieces before it all falls apart
I’m standing in a clearing
I watch two beautiful suns setting
On opposite sides of the sky
I pray someday they’ll meet again
Join hands and forgive
I’m screaming in silence and trying so hard
To save the pieces before it all falls apart
Instead of writing two or three songs all about the same thing, I wrote this one which is about being in the middle of two people who don't share with each other what you share with each of them. It's about the pain, the trials and the frustration. Like I said, there are a couple major influences for this song. One is the parting of ways between the guys in Blink. They had a falling out (apparently) and now they're in new bands and refuse to talk to each other. Mark sings "This isn't just good-bye, this is I can't stand you" in 'No It Isn't' and Tom sings "I grew so close to all the thoughts I had to leave forever" in 'Restart the Machine.' It feels like you're caught in the middle, and you really want them to at least settle things and get along. That's not idealism talking, that's me saying time to grow up and be big boys. You have problems, yes. Differences, yes. Legit issues with each other. Fine. Work them out. Find a common ground. Grow up. Is it this simple? Yes and no. I know better than most how these sorts of relationships work and how hard it is to fix. I really do. At the same time, it just takes two people or however many saying I'm going to swallow my pride and figure it out and restore something beautiful, even if it's not the same. Blink's music - the actual music, not the lyrics - influenced how I write music and express myself and I have them to thank for it. But, honestly, it's not easy to see them leave it all forever. And I don't even know them. Imagine their managers and producers, etc.
Let's see, what else. The Oregon soldier taken hostage was killed but I knew it was coming. Please pray for him and his family. Thomas Tucker of Madras, Oregon. Thanks.
I can't decide on my second major. Sociology or Political Science or both in an ID. I also can't decide on Australia. I really want to go but I really don't want to miss the Spring 2007 semester here either. A lot of friends are graduating and it's their last time as undergrads...assuming they graduate.
I still want to be a fighter pilot. I haven't put it past the realm of possibility. My dream job is either flying the Number 1 Blue Angel or piloting Air Force One. Laugh if you wish. My face couldn't be straighter. |
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| guilt |
[Jun. 19th, 2006|09:14 am] |
Not a good start to the day. A soldier from Oregon was taken hostage in Iraq and I feel bad that I am paying particularly close attention to it because of where he's from, as if his life is more important to me because his home is near mine. I feel the same with regard to the U.S. soldiers lost in Somalia in 1993 (the movie Black Hawk Down is about that day). I've seen the movie, read the book, read many reports and research on it, wrote a paper about it in a history class, and I can still name every soldier we lost that day, including the two delta snipers who were the first soldiers to receive the medal of honor posthumously since the Vietnam war. No, I didn't look that up. 19 guys on a dusty, burning-hot day in Somalia in October 1993. But, we lost that many soldiers - moreso in fact - in Vietnam on a daily basis and I can't recite their names. Maybe it's because the Somalia mission was of more personal interest or because their deaths were particularly tragic given modern warfare or whatever, but when those two delta snipers volunteered to secure a crashed helicopter, VOLUNTEERED to leave the safe haven of their own helicopter, they probably knew they were going to die. That's how close the bonds of brotherhood are. Imagine dropping in to a crowed street with hundreds of angry people with AK-47's intent on killing you. But you do it because there's a fallen comrade down there and he needs your help. Both deltas died defending the lone survivor of the crashed Blackhawk. The survivor, the pilot, was taken hostage until President Clinton threatened basically to descend the entire U.S. military on Somalia - then he was released...thanks to those two soldiers. But all of this is to say that brave as those two men were, and they did the bravest thing anyone can, weren't the only ones to sacrifice like that, and I feel bad that I know their names and not those of everyone else who was killed in similar fashion protecting our country. What about the first wave of soldiers to invade Normandy on D-Day? What about the platoons sent on dangerous missions through Vietcong jungle? I don't know. Of course it's futile for me to try to learn the name of every soldier who ever died for my country, but sometimes I feel bad that I remember some and not others.
Otherwise, nothing really to report right now, as I just got up, and there are other things I can't really talk about yet on LJ. |
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| Happy Father's Day |
[Jun. 17th, 2006|05:49 pm] |
It seems no matter how much I ask, people don't listen. It's okay most of the time; I speak quietly and most people move on to other things before I finish what I have to say. I'm used to being disrespected. That doesn't mean it doesn't piss me off. Just because I don't say anything doesn't mean it's not important, but rather that I recognize the futility of asking people to be respectful. Example? I've asked a lot of people around me not to take the Lord's name in vain. It's disrespectful to me. I know it's not disrespectful to everyone but it is for me. It's rude. It's simply rude. Do you hear me do it? Anyone? Name one time I have done that. But people want to emphasize a point or brag or whatever and seem to think "Oh my God" or "Holy ****ing ***" or "God kill me" does the trick. Well, maybe it does. In fact, it does for a lot of people. But it's disrespectful, it's rude, and it upsets me. And I've said that. I've said it repeatedly to people I thought would listen and respect me enough to do me this one favor. Sure, they say they will or that they do, but I guess people are so used to throwing this phrase around casually that they don't listen to themselves. I've actually counted, but no, I'm not posting numbers. Do me a favor. Listen to yourself for a day. See how often you do things you think you don't do. Then ask yourself if you are disrespecting important people around you. You'd be surprised. Why do I try so hard to respect people who don't respect me? There are words and phrases I don't use because some people would be offended if I said them. Just because I don't say something doesn't mean I don't have something to say. I bite my tongue regularly, sometimes to the point where warm, salty blood flows over it. I spend my entire life listening to others, respecting them by not saying this or any number of other things that I find offensive. "Lend every man thy ear, but few thy voice." I do that, but does this mean it's everyone else's prerogative to insult me if I don't make a case out of everything that offends me? Who knows? Sadly, taking the Lord's name in vain is only the tip of the iceberg, but it's particularly disheartening right now for some reason. To discuss the rest would require a surge of energy I won't have anytime soon.
In other news, my roommate has "Mambo #5" on which I haven't heard in a solid year probably. Good times. No surprise I have AVA on but to my credit I haven't listened to it since Thursday. One thing I can't get over is how every song is either about love or about war. The two may seem to be polarities but if you listen really closely you see how it all comes together in a gray flurry of words that is not purely the black and white premises of love and war clashing in verse.
On the lighter side, music came to me today while I was lying in bed. I jumped out, grabbed my guitar, and laid it out and wrote it down. It's going to replace what I have currently for "Not Enough" because it's better. Not much better, and not that great to begin with, but progress is progress. Sure, it feels like pushing molasses up a sandy hill but imagine the satisfaction of rolling that oily wad to the top and knowing "Yes, it's possible, and, yes, I did it." We shall see.
"Restart the Machine" by AVA. About Tom leaving Blink 182 and what he feels. The question is, is this about love or war?
The ash set in then blew away
It’s getting lost into the sea
I grew so close to all the thoughts I had to leave forever
I left the chill and voice the screams in kids and ran for shelter
You know I won't say sorry
Do you know I won't say sorry?
The pain has a bad reaction
A blend of fear and passion
Do you know what it's like to believe?
It makes me wanna scream
I see a glow from far away
A faint reflection on the sea
I left some words quite far from here to be a short reminder
I laid them out in stone in case they need to last forever
You know I won't say sorry
Do you know I won't say sorry?
The pain has a bad reaction
A blend of fear and passion
Do you know what it's like to believe?
It makes me wanna scream
I see the stars they’re in your eyes
A playful kiss can you tell I'm excited?
A fast escape in the nick of time
You lost your wish can I help you find it?
I'm on my knee, just one to start
A fresh new start to be undecided
If love’s a word, that you say
Then say it, I will listen
If love’s a word, that you say
Then say it, I will listen
If love’s a word, that you say
Then say it, I will listen
If love’s a word, that you say
Then say it, I will listen
If love’s a word, that you say
Then say it, I will listen
If love’s a word, that you say
Then say it, I will listen (I will listen) |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 17th, 2006|12:31 pm] |
One last thing. This is a great picture from a wonderful Thursday evening. We all had to caravan back in one vehicle. Note Kate's beautiful mother gracing the shot as well.
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| My CD...for now |
[Jun. 16th, 2006|08:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  what's quixotic? | ] |
If I were to make a record, my track list would go as follows. The album will be called "Screaming in Silence"
1. Once Again
2. Not Enough
3. For You I'll Wait
4. Looking-glass Self
5. Screaming in Silence
6. Sometimes it’s Okay
7. Let Go
8. Dear God
9. Back in the Day
10. What She Means
11. If Only
12. Empty Mailbox
13. If Only You Knew
14. Idling Free |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|12:34 pm] |
I really need something to do.
1. How tall are you barefoot? My bare foot is probably about 2" tall
2. Have you ever been unfaithful in a relationship? No, and I never will be. It's not in me.
3. Do you own a gun? A lasertag gun.
4. If you had a mental disorder, what would it be? Depression/Anxiety
5. How many letters are in your crush's name? 4 plus 6 plus 4 = 14
6. What do you think of hot dogs? They should be offered water so they don't dehydrate.
7. What's your favorite Christmas song? I like them all.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Water.
9. Do you do push-ups? Yes.
10. Have you ever done ecstasy? I've never done drugs. I respect my body.
11. Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend? Not both. Just a girlfriend.
12. Do you like rain? I love rain.
13.Are you a morning or night person? Depends on the day of the week. Usually a morning person.
14.Favorite Childhood Toy: My first bow and arrow. Or maybe Lego.
15. Do you have A.D.D.? No.
16. Full initials? EDL
17. Name 4 thoughts at this exact moment.
1) When will my West Wing Season 6 arrive?
2) I have something amazing up my sleeve.
3) I need to shave.
4) Four thoughts is too many.
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought.
1) A binder
2) A smoothie
3) Food for dinner on the river.
19. Name five drinks you regularly drink.
1) water
2) diet coke with cherry
3) milk
4) :)
5) :)
20. What time did you wake up today? The first time was about 5:30, but then at 6:45 for good.
21. Can you spell? Yez
22. Current worry? Current not worry would be shorter.
23. Current hate? I don't like hating, but plenty is bothering me.
24. Favorite place to be? Depends. Sometimes a hockey rink, sometimes DisneyWorld, sometimes a warm bed on a cold, rainy night with a
certain someone.
25. Least favorite place to be? Certain mental states.
26. Where would you like to go? Home.
27. Do you own slippers? Not after seeing the ones Kate has which has scared me away from fuzzy footwear for life.
28. Where do you hope you'll be in 10 yrs? Kashmir, mediating a resolution.
29. Do you burn or tan? Neither anymore because Corinne makes my lather in sunscreen whenever I go out now. :)
30. Yellow or blue? Green. J/K, Blue.
31. Would you be a pirate? Depends on the benefits package and stock options.
32. Last time your phone rang? 2003.
33. What songs do you sing in the shower? Adam's song, Restart the Machine, whatever's in my head at the time.
34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child? Same things that scare me now.
35. What's in your pockets right now? I'm naked. J/K
36. Last thing that made you laugh. West Wing.
37. Best bed sheets you had as a child? I had to sleep in a sleeping bag until I was 14.
38. Worst injury you've ever had? Broken heart.
39.Favorite hobby? Music, guitar, songwriting, hockey, flying planes, playine with dogs...okay that's more than one.
40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 4 at home, one here.
41. Who is your loudest friend? Lilly.
42. Who is your most silent friend? Mike.
43. Does someone have a crush on you? I've been crushed by someone before. Literally and figuratively.
44. Do you wish on stars? Of course. Tom Delonge, Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson, all of them.
45. What is your favorite book? I've never actually read a book.
46. What song did you last hear? Something by The Fray
47. How many songs do you have in your ipod or MP3 player? 1800something
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? Changes by Tupac. I hope I help make some of them before I die.
49. What were you doing at 12AM last night? Lying in bed awake.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? Is West Wing Season 6 here today?! |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|12:15 pm] |
I'm bored and these surveys consume time.
1. Do you still talk to the person you had your first kiss with? Not regularly.
2. What would you do with 1,000 plastic spoons? I have no idea. Build something? Provide resources for a massive food fight the first day D-Hall reopens when everything is new and clean? Dig a hole to China?
3. What did you do when you weren't in school in the 2nd grade? Drew ocean animals.
4. What is the best thing about your last job? Going home knowing people and animals were better off than when I went in that morning.
5. Do you like more than one person right now? I like most people I meet.
6. Where are you going on your next vacation? Sunriver and the beautiful Oregon coast.
7. Are most of your friends guys or girls? Both.
8. Do you own any furniture from Ikea? I thought Ikea made personal music devices.
9. Last book you read? Night Fall
10. If you could have one super power what would it be? Flying. Simple, but everyone knows deep down that's what they want, too.
11. Where have you lived most of your life? On the edge.
12. What was the last convo you had about? Bikinis.
13. Where do you see yourself in four years? Grad school or a greeter at Wal-Mart. Thanks for the idea, Kate.
14. What's your favorite smell? I'm not sure I'm supposed to have one.
15. What is your favorite sound? Music.
16. Are you moody? Yes.
17.Favorite movie of all time? Tough call. Not the movie, I mean it's a tough call. Probably Black Hawk Down or Saving Private Ryan.
18. Have you ever done anything vindictive to your classmate? What's vindictive mean?
19. Have you ever gone to therapy? Every kind.
20. Have you ever Played Spin the bottle? Not much else to do in Oregon when you are young.
21. Have you ever Toilet papered someone's house? No, but we t/p'd a hotel pool once. Long story but you can blame Brad.
22. Have you ever liked someone but never told them? Story of my life.
23. Have you ever jumped up and down in an elevator? Every time I'm in one.
24. Have you ever had a crush on your brother's friend? What brother? Are my parents not telling me something or is this survey clearly for girls?
25. Have you ever gone to a nude beach? A nude beach website. J/K
26. Have you ever gone streaking? No. I can hold my own in beer pong.
27. Have you ever had a stalker? I have.
28. Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Does the bath tub count? No comment otherwise.
29. Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? Yes.
30. Have you ever gone to a party where you were the only sober person? Many, many times and it sucks. I hate being mature.
31. Have you ever been in love? Yes.
32. Have you ever eaten ice cream in bed? I'm sure I have. I've done everything on Veronica. To clarify, I should say Veronica is the name of my waterbed at home.
33. Have you ever seen a dwarf in real life? What's the dif between a dwarf and a midget? I might have...
34. Have you ever been out of the US? Of course. Americans don't respect hockey so I had to go to Canada.
35. Have you ever thrown up from working out? Yes.
36.Have you ever had a haircut so bad you wore a hat? Nope. It's hair. Get over it.
37. Have you ever eaten 3 meals from 3 different fast food places in 1 day? Perhaps when I was on the road but that's just gross.
38. Last song you listened to? No It Isn't by Plus 44
39. Have you ever spied on someone? Yes.
40. Have you ever seen your best friend naked? Yes.
41. Who was the last person who called you? My professor.
42. When was the last time you slept for more then 12 hours straight? I never have.
43. Have you ever been arrested? No.
44. Most embarassing cd you own? My sister was mad at me once and told my grandmother that I wanted the Backstreet Boys CD for my birthday. Sadly, grandma listened.
45. Have you ever kissed someone when you've had oreos in your mouth? Oreo's, no. Let's leave it at that.
46. Do you own any handcuffs? I have in the past but I figured no good could come from it. |
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| Billygoat Gustafson |
[Jun. 15th, 2006|11:18 am] |
"There is a boy
He lives in Banks
He’ll eat a tire or beef franks
It just goes through him
He’s never phased
But don’t hate it’s how he was raised
And Billygoat said
I’ll eat anything
Week-old donuts or whipped cream
I’ll eat anything
Consuming food is just my thing
And I don’t care
If it goes and makes me sick
Cause even dirty rotten food
Tastes great to a hick
Green, yellow, orange, blue
Hey, it’s all food
Forget about the expiration date
I’m sure it’s all good and safe
The stores just wanna make you buy more
Make you buy more
Make you buy more…"
Since the last one was kind of sad, here's a fun song. It's the first song I ever wrote, and I wrote it on an Indian Reservation in central California on a church mission trip. A bunch of us had the opportunity to eat authentic Native American food. It was great, the people were nice, but everyone got sick. T was vomiting everywhere, I felt like my stomach was on the end of a yo-yo my brain was playing with, Brian was hunched over in a grotesque way that indicated serious 'not feeling well.' One guy, however, enjoyed the food very much, and ate not only his own food, but the remains of the food of all of us who couldn't finish it. I told him he had the stomach of a billygoat and this song was born that evening as a few of us with our guitars sat on the football field bleachers recapping the day. This song is dedicated to Billygoat Gustafson. Cheers. |
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